For years I have fancied myself a Time Trialist with only a modicum of success. Nothing huge though. It wasn’t for lack of trying – I mean entering races. It was due, however, to a lack of vision. What do I mean when I say vision?
Vision is a clear mental image of a future state that you “know” to be true, yet just isn’t evident. Let’s take my situation. I wanted to be the Texas State Time Trial Champion in my age group. I tested my skills in the race a few times as well as other smaller races and even at the National Championships in 2022. It was actually earlier in 2022 when I discovered that I really didn’t have a vision to win, just a desire. The desire was a good start but that isn’t really enough to get things done.
After a very lackluster performance at the Texas State Time Trial Championships in 2022, I took my desire one step further. I began to dream about myself actually standing on the top step of the podium. I dreamed that dream over and over again. I began to behave differently. I did workouts when I was tired or distracted that I would have previously just skipped. I stopped dropping the intensity on my trainer when my legs felt like lead. I allowed myself to stand atop that podium in my dreams despite all of the evidence that I wouldn’t make it.
In 2021 I was diagnosed with a terminal disease with no treatment and no cure. I was 245 lbs because I had gained so much weight during several bouts with major depression. Depression shows up in me by increasing my appetite and eliminating my desire to ride my bike. I had sold my TT bike because I was sure that I would never compete in a TT again.
I’m not sure where the turning point actually was. I think it was when I decided that if I was going to die of some incurable disease, I was going to go out having some fun. I got back on my bicycle. I retired from my teaching job and began to dream about what I wanted to do with the time I had left. Those initial dreams began to grow and multiply. Among those dreams was my dream to be the State champ.
When it came to the day of the championship this year, it was unusually cold for Texas and pouring down rain. Mid to upper 40’s when soaked to the bone is an experience most people avoid. I thought about skipping the whole thing. In fact, I got a call from a friend and reigning champ asking me if I was still thinking about going. Of course! It was my vision, it was my dream, it was already truth in my mind that I was going to be the champ. I had to go.
I went, I warmed up, I lined up and I started. A few miles into the race my gps was acting really weird and kept beeping at me to take a u-turn right away to get back on course. I wasted a little time messing with it before deciding to just press on. Could I have missed a turn in the driving rain? Finally, a marker indicating a turn came and my worries were dispelled. I tracked my power and the miles. Sticking to my plan and then, three miles from the finish a big chunk of asphalt appeared out of nowhere. When I hit it, I knew immediately the result. I stopped, got off my bike and nearly threw it in the ditch.
This couldn’t be the end. It wasn’t a part of my vision. I got back on the bicycle and decided to finish the last three miles the best I could with the flat tire. It was only after I crossed the finish line that I allowed a little doubt to enter my mind. Fortunately, when the results were posted, the doubt disappeared and my dream became reality. Despite all the “evidence” around me, I allowed my dreams to rule my life and I lived as if the dream were already my truth because it was and is.
Now the dream is to stand on the podium at Nationals. I don’t know the when or the how but I know it will happen! Oh yeah, and by the way, that terminal illness has come to a complete standstill. No progression. No treatments since they apparently don’t exist. Nothing but a clear vision, a dream of myself without disease and loving life!
